I come before you, oh honorable hack, with a troubled mind. I beg your indulgence and the benefit of your wisdom. I know enough to know that the things which may seem important are indeed not. I am learned to the degree that I am aware that common sense and principle are minor considerations in the political process. I prostrate myself before you. I bare my simple mind and beseech your intellectual nourishment.
I know you can help me to see the light, despite the apparent contradictions. Please consider the following questions and bless me with your brilliance. Use simple terms and small words, if you will, for I am not your intellectual equal. Help an understanding to be born in my dense skull. Help me to see what truly matters, or better yet, how to determine what truly matters on any given day based on the the actions and flaws of a specific candidate.
My first question oh oracle of omniscient obfuscation, is as follows.
- What is the party's position on voters who might traditionally vote for the candidates of another party or independents?
Assuming a level of intellectual honesty, which of course has not been previously displayed, it would seem clear that the party would advise such voters against voting for its candidates. If party unity and loyalty are indeed the factors which trump all others, it would seem that the party would expect voters to stick with their particular voting traditions. How can this be, though, when John McCain's pet goober Lindsey Graham says things like "I want a Republican who can attract Democrats." in a glowing profile by the NY Times? Does the man who is covering McCain's RINO bases during this election season mean to say that he is at odds with the party philosophy that voters should not stray from their traditional voting patterns?
Perhaps Goober is displaying the more prevalent hypocrisy. Maybe, just maybe, the party would expect that Democrats or those who find themselves unattached to either (sadly) dominant party, should be able to exercise judgment when going to the polls. Are those who have traditionally aligned with the Republican Party the only group whose judgment is not to be trusted? If the latter is the case, oh noble hack, then what is it about we traditionally Republican voters that makes us inferior?
The second question I have for the all-knowing political alchemist is as follows.
- How are the party's candidates who agree substantially with the the positions and platforms of the other party superior to independent candidates or those of a lesser party?
I ask this with the assumption that I would not be able to comprehend the complexities and the nuances of the answer to the initial question. Therefore, I will still be struggling to grasp the reins of enlightenment. Is it simply a numbers game? Is the numbers game one that is dependent solely on the number of Rs and the number of Ds, regardless of what the Rs will sponsor, support, or favor with their votes? Again, I am ignorant of the beneficial nature of this numbers game. Will my children inherit the free nation they should if enough Rs, regardless of their actions, win elected office? Will the spending of our descendant's' treasure cease with a majority of Rs?
I am still confused regarding superiority of, let's say for a caricature of an example... because really, what R could possibly be this bad... an R who voted for Cap and Trade, cosponsored Hate Crime legislation, does not believe in the right to keep and bear arms, lies about military awards, and supports partial-birth abortion to the candidate of the Constitution or Libertarian Parties. I suppose we are fortunate that such a candidate is a caricature and would never be put forth by the esteemed Republican Party.
- If this is not just a sport or a game, then why don't the character and history of candidates matter?
I again show my inability to comprehend such intricate machinations, but perhaps I could be forgiven due to the fact that I have never been a real or imaginary "Naval Intelligence Officer of the Year". Perhaps character is a political trait with the qualities of "Flarp" noise putty. The colorful substance can be stretched, squished, and molded to almost any shape. Also, in a manner fitting of its comparison to such candidates, Flarp makes sounds similar to gaseous expulsions of the intestinal variety when pressed.
Please favor me with the hacking wisdom you possess. Show me the light of the glowing R such that I will see how one could ignore his conscience and vote strictly along party lines... something the previously mentioned caricature is himself loathe to do when important legislation is on the floor of Congress. This must be one of those "do as I say, not as I do" political paradoxes. I have so much to learn. Is there any hope that I can ever achieve hackiness?